Archive for April, 2011
I had an audition at a movie studio. I showed up at one of the entrances to sign in. There were numerous people in the small room I was in. A lady walked toward the exit door to leave. She went out of the door. As she left, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her take a few stutter steps. I turned toward her, she stuttered a little more, and then she fell face first into the concrete sidewalk without sticking her arms out to brace herself from the fall or anything. A pool of blood started forming on the concrete underneath her face. I looked around, and no one else had noticed that she fell. I notified the guards that were there. They looked at her bleeding on the ground, motionless, and said they weren’t allowed to help her for “liability reasons”. I said “WHAT!?” I went down toward her and turned her over. Her face was broken and a mask of blood from the impact of the fall upon the concrete. I looked at her, and remember thinking to God “Okay, God, if this is the moment you’re going to pick to give me aids or some disease cuz I’m going to try to help this woman, then fuck you. You’re an asshole.” and I immediately started giving her mouth-to-mouth CPR – her blood all over her mouth and nose and everything.
I saved my best friend’s and my own life with a joke.
We were living in a tiny cabin in SE Alaska. A local dog with tags reading “Joey Hughes” had been hanging around our place a lot so when we heard some animaly noises right around the door my friend called out softly “Joey Hughes?” A brown bear yearling peeked its head inside our ten by ten cabin and proceeded to take an exploratory step inside.
Now of course this all happened in about 5 seconds. I understood the situation but my danger brain had not yet kicked in when I whispered (quite unnecessarily), “That’s not Joey Hughes.”
Sometimes the best wit reveals obvious truths.
The half hysterical giggle this statement elicited from my buddy startled the bear and it halted its approach, then backed out. If the whole bear had entered the only way out would have been a three point turn or through our frail human bodies. I think you know which option the bear would have chosen.
You could say it was the giggle, not my ill (perfectly) timed joke that stopped the bear but you’d be wrong.